U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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