he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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