he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
