I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
birth control should be required to get into college
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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