I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
