I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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