no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And then my night got REAL pukey
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
