just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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