sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
