this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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