I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You did what with his pubic hair?
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