8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
