I have demons in me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
