I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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