It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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