Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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