better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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