So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
