i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
