the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
