You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There's a naked man in my car right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His nipple licking is glorious
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