Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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