Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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