You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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