I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
