I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Congratulations! We have a period
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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