I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize