dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
