Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
