i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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