I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
