my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
