I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
