I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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