As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
