forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
