I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
