She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
