Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
