wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
