She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
