Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
