Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
