Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
