i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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