before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
