I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
