we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
