you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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