Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
