Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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