She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I intend to get homeless drunk
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
