you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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