i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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