I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokรฉmon. Lazy people will always find a way.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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