**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
