she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
