I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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