Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
