I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
